Recently Read

Recently Read: 10% Happier

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Cover of book that I recently read, 10% Happier by Dan Harris.

I recently read the book 10% Happier by Dan Harris and thought I would share a few impressions.

Since I meditate mostly everyday, I didn’t need to be convinced of the benefits of meditation and becoming mindful. However, I’m always curious to learn how and why people make it part of their lives. Seeing their realization that it’s a great thing to do is a source of endless fascination.

The book begins with Harris describing his early career tackling stories in war zones. The adrenaline rush and violence, then his early drug use. To me it felt like a book focused on an audience of hyper-masculine young men and was losing my interest rapidly.

When I was young, I used to always finish books that I started. Sometimes I would finish books that I hated from the beginning to the end. Then I’d be upset that I couldn’t get that time back.

I started thinking, “Who said you have to finish?” I realized that I was the one making the decision, so I stopped. Now, if I’m not feeling the book or many other things, I don’t finish and cut my losses.

Since I was really curious, I kept reading and got to the parts that I truly enjoyed. We see Harris, who is quite the skeptic, slowly make his way to trying and believing that mindful meditation works. He finds that it makes him “10% happier.” It’s a step-by-step process and he brings us with him for the ride. Harris is now such a believer that he even has a website and an app to help you learn to meditate as well.

It’s also very interesting, especially to me as a black woman, seeing how Jewish male friendships are a big part of his story. I went to Brandeis University for my undergraduate degree, so I was part of the Goyum on campus. Believe me. I didn’t know the word until I got there and started being referred to that way. But that’s another story.

So anyway, Harris has a whole chapter called “The Jew-Bu” where we meet Dr. Mark Epstein. He is a a New York psychiatrist and writer who writes “about the interface of Buddhism and psychotherapy.” Epstein’s writing really spoke to Harris. Like with many other authors, Harris wanted to learn more, so they met in person for a “man-date” as he describes it. Below are some passages from the book.

It hit me that what I had on my hands here was a previously undiscovered species: a normal human being. Epstein, it appeared to me, was the anti-Tolle, the anti-Chopra. Not a guru in the popular sense of the word, just a regular guy with whom I was having a drink on a Friday night.

We started to talk about his background. He, too, had grown up in the Boston area. His dad was also a doctor. He didn’t have some fancy backstory, à la Tolle or Chopra. No sudden late-night spiritual awakening, no hearing of voices. …

I asked what a beginner should do to get deeper into this world. … As I madly typed notes into my BlackBerry for future reference, it was impossible not to notice that nearly all of these names were Jewish: Goldstein, Coleman, Kornfield, Salzberg. ‘This is a whole subculture,’ he said. The little cabal even had a nickname: The ‘Jew-Bus.’ …

Mark also pointed out that mindfulness was a skill — one that would improve as I got more meditation hours under my belt. In that spirit, he said I should consider going on a retreat. … Specifically, he recommended that I sign up for a retreat led by someone named Joseph Goldstein, who Mark referred to as ‘his’ meditation teacher. He spoke about this Goldstein character in the most glowing terms, which intrigued me. I figured if a guy I revered revered another guy, I should probably check that other guy out.

As we were paying the bill, I said, ‘If you’re up for it, I’d love to get together every month or two.’

‘Sure,’ he said, looking up from the remains of his drink and meeting my gaze. With uncontrived sincerity he said, ‘I want to know you.’ That was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to me. After we’d finished, as we said good-bye, he gave me a hug. It was touching, and I appreciated his willingness to be my friend, but there was no way in hell I was going on a retreat.

We hear so much about female friendship, but I think male friendship is very important too. As we get older it’s harder to make new friends. But it can happen and this book shows it beautifully.

It takes a lot of vulnerability and strength to tell someone that you want to be their friend. Plus, it showed the same strength and vulnerability to write about it. I’m glad that Harris put it out there.

Coincidentally, in addition to what I’ve recently read, I recently watched an old episode of Seinfeld when Jerry becomes friends with New York Mets baseball player Keith Hernandez and they go on a “man date.”

Also, I just recently listened to a podcast of This American Life where two men are set up on blind “man date” to see if they can become friends.

While I loved reading about the friendships that formed, it also left me wondering. Was Harris only able to receive and implement this new information because it was placed before him by men who were just like him?

If he had not learned about the “Jew-Bus” would he have ever been convinced about mindfulness and meditation? If not, would he have ever written this book? And what does that say about us as people? How often do we learn something new from someone very different from us? And then want to become friends with them. Not very often.

What books have you recently read?

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Image Credit: HarperCollins Publishers

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Recently Read: The Woman I Wanted to Be

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The Woman I Wanted to beHappy Holidays to you!

Time is more than scarce right now, but I wanted to make sure that I wrote about this book before Christmas. It would be a great gift for someone if you are still shopping.

The Woman I Wanted to Be, by Diane von Furstenberg, is truly inspiring and has changed the way that I start and end each day. What an amazing woman!

Even if you don’t buy this book, read it. Borrow it from the library. Read it in the store. But read it. Especially if you are trying to start something new and find your own way. If you are seeking inspiration and confidence, you will find it in the pages she has written.

Her philosophy has been that she wanted to live the life of a man, but in a woman’s body. She wanted the career, money, and freedom that used to only be in the reach of men, but she wanted to be able to do that as a woman. And she has!

Because of this book, each day I ask myself the question, “Am I closer to being the woman that I want to be?” If not, I try to make little changes to get closer the next day. If yes, well, then I smile!

Most of us know of von Furstenberg as the creator of the wrap dress. She has had a life full of glamour and leads a very jet set existence. But in the book, she still comes through as being very down to earth. She was part of the Studio 54 scene and knew all the stars. But it’s not like she is being fake and making things up. This was her life!

Her mother was a Holocaust survivor and her story provided core values and great determination that were passed down to her daughter. Regardless of her deep strength, we learn about the ebb and flow of confidence in her life by how she wears her hair. Plus she tells an interesting story about a very young Bruce Springsteen.

My curly hair had become an asset. I felt confident and free. That confidence didn’t stay with me all the time. My hair became a barometer for my self-esteem, and in the early nineties I started to straighten my hair again. Those were not great years. I was yet again in search of myself and was a bit insecure. As I regained confidence, I let the curls come back. I learned how to master them, how to use them and let them be a part of the true me. I even started to welcome humidity because it adds so much volume to curly hair.

It might seem trivial to give that much importance to hair, but I know all women with curls will identify with this struggle. So will some curly-haired men, I recently discovered. During a vacation last year on the boat of a friend, entertainment mogul David Geffen, I was having a conversation about hair with the women on board when Bruce Springsteen the macho, superhero rock star chimed in. He, too, used to hate his Italian curls when he was fifteen and starting out, he confessed, and so did his teenage band mates, The Castiles. They all wished they could switch their Mediterranean curls for straight bangs like the Beatles. So, at night, they would go secretly to a beauty parlor for black women in Freehold, New Jersey to have their hair straightened!

I laughed out loud with that story! Especially as a Black woman and having gone though my own natural hair journey. The book is full of so many interesting stories and they all make their points. The introduction to her book sets the stage and summarizes what her life is about. I really like this quote from it as a nice takeaway.

As a girl, I did not know what I wanted to do but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be. I wanted to be my own person, independent and free. I knew that freedom could only be achieved if I took full responsibility for myself and my actions, if I were true to the truth, if I became my very best friend.

I liked this book a lot. And feel like I’m becoming a better person for having read it.

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Screenshot: Simon & Schuster

Recently Read: Attractive Unattractive Americans

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Attractive Unattractive Americans book coverAfter  reading Attractive Unattractive Americans by René Zografos, I had several very strong reactions. I truly enjoyed the book and took so many notes as I was reading that I cannot possibly mention them all.

I thought it was hilarious that many people who are not American think that we are overly dramatic. OMG! How could that be?!

I don’t think I’ve have ever seen an American reality-TV show without a huge theater scene. It’s always someone who is ill, or who recently lost a family member or something else sad, and they always seem to mention that the reason they are on that particular TV show is because of them–that they want to honor their loved one or hardship. Then everyone cries and feels so sad. For people outside of America that is rather strange behavior–all these dramatic scenes on everyday television.

We can probably all agree that reality TV is rather fake, but we Americans do use a lot of superlatives and know how to hype things up.

However, the older I get, the more I also see that real life is dramatic. Between things going on in my own life and people that I know, it could be show or movie that would be so over the top that much of it would not be believed. Life is stranger than fiction.

The book has commentary about the United States written by the author, but he also interviewed people from all over the world on their views of Americans. Zografos has a very interesting background himself — half Greek and half Norwegian.

The book is fairly short and an easy read, but goes into great detail about many areas of daily American life. The topics are extensive. He talks about work life balance. How Americans work very hard, but don’t have much vacation time and often do not get to travel. He discusses issues of violence, social justice, charity, compassion, products made in America and more. Americans are described as happy and friendly, but how this sometimes comes off as fake.

This would be a great book for a book club, because so much lively discussion and debate would be generated. Especially if the group were a diverse mix of people. It would be good in the classroom too.

Since I’m all about food, I found a quote by Jaqueline from Brazil, particularly bizarre. She clearly had a very bad and limited cookie tasting experience while she was here. No doubt a World Peace Cookie never made its way into her mouth.

American cookies actually taste like plain sugar. They’re not edible for my taste. All these cookies full of sugar make me nauseous, and they must make Americans chubby.

It was interesting how Zografos did many comparisons between Americans and Norwegians. At first, I was reminded of a Norwegian Apple Cake that I baked after seeing a recipe on Tracy’s blog. She is an American expat blogger living in Norway.

So, I was quite surprised by his writing about violence in Norway and how criminals often are not prosecuted. In some ways the book may seem simplistic, with some of the short quotes and cartoons in the beginning. But when he gets going and really starts analyzing, he digs deep. This is not a superficial book. He also understands the regional quality of the United States and mentions several places.

Seattle is my number one city in the U.S., followed by San Francisco. New York City is a solid number three on my list. I enjoy nature and the sea, and New York is in many ways a nutshell of urban USA, but still with a fair amount of European influence. I must add that I have never been to Boston, although I suspect that Boston will be my very favorite when I finally do visit.

Yes, I agree with you! We have it all here in Boston! The author has such a unique perspective on so many subjects, that I was having mini-imaginary conversations with him as I was reading. I really like how he talked about the idea of the American Dream and how the process of writing the book changed him –transformed his life.

Your own journey toward your goals will itself create happiness. ~ René Zografos

I love the phrase Carpe Diem and have a necklace with the words inscribed. When I wear it, it feels like a talisman letting me more fully enjoy the present. This book is like one big Carpe Diem. The author did it and he’s telling us to as well.

As the book winds down, you can feel the author’s optimism and passion for life gearing up.

Live now. Go from words to actions; be a doer and an achiever, not only a dreamer. Dare to find your own path, because if you do, the most wonderful thing in life can and will happen to you. Some Americans already understand this and, as a result, they are living extraordinary lives. …

[A]s long as I follow my passion, I am living my dream–my American dream–and the only voice I need to listen to is my own–to what I need deep down inside. Thanks to the process and journey of writing this book, I now also feel different and more open, a better human being, almost invincible and more American, somehow. I have accomplished writing a book in a foreign language. It took me many years with small steps every day, and I made it through the storm, as I have done before. As a consequence of writing this book, it has resulted in priceless meetings with wonderful people and cultures. A true gift was given to me: I achieved happiness.

After finishing this book, the author’s words and feelings have lingered. Not only is this book about Americans, but it’s about finding that courage within ourselves to live out our dreams.

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Disclsoure: Review copy of book received from Smith Publicity.

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Screenshot: Amazon

Recently Read: Inside Alzheimer’s

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Inside Alzheimer'sSome topics you hope to never need to know too much about. They are difficult and sad. Most of us are juggling very busy lives in the best of times.

But bad luck, accidents, political upheaval, war and disease can burst in without a warning and disrupt what order and peace we may have been able to achieve. So many bad things can happen that I still feel blessed and thankful to have led a relatively easy and comfortable life.

But this past winter, amid work chaos and struggling to get around in the snow, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It has been a very difficult adjustment for me and my family. We continue to adjust and adapt.

It’s a process and a journey. Definitely not one that any of us would have chosen or predicted. Especially since my brother, my only sibling, has developmental delay and other physical issues.

There is not a lot of solace with this illness. Alzheimer’s is a cruel disease. I’ve struggled to learn how to continue communicating with my Dad. I feel helpless and lost sometimes.

He is in very early stages and still knows who I am and is sometimes very much himself. Except for not really. We can’t talk quite the same way we used to and I have to be careful to try and not upset him.

I was looking for books to read and found Inside Alzheimer’s by Nancy Pearce. It is a beautifully written, inspiring and uplifting book. I highly recommend it for anyone looking for answers about dealing with a loved one who has dementia. The tagline of the book is How to Hear and Honor Connections with a Person who has Dementia. Below is an excerpt from her website.

There is a person inside Alzheimer’s and any of the other dementias—a person, just like the rest of us. The person, no matter how progressed the dementia, maintains the ability to feel the joy and satisfaction that comes from being in the rhythm of human connection with others. The disease does, however, diminish that person’s ability to reach out in familiar ways which poses challenges for those of us who want to stay connected.

For over 25 years, I interacted with persons who have dementia and paid attention—looking hard at each interaction for the ways in which she (or he) had been affected by me, by others, and by the world even as she progressed through the disease. Each person guided me during all of the connections and disconnections toward understanding that connection is not so much about knowing what to do or say as it is about learning the ways in which we can “be with” the person in her world so that we can allow her strengths to emerge. Being in the moment and engaging the person with dementia in her world offers constant surprises and gifts of wisdom, insight and compassion—each of us moves beyond isolation and hopelessness; each of us empowered to move forward, to grow.

When I started reading this book I thought I would feel even worse than I already did, but more informed. Instead, I felt uplifted and confident that there would still be some good times ahead.  I really needed to believe this, because I didn’t know how to cope otherwise.

The author writes about interactions that she has had over the years working with Alzheimer’s patients. She showed a lot of humor and joy along with the difficulty. I so needed to hear this.

Since my father’s diagnosis, we still have many good times together. He still has his deep intelligence, sharp wit and love of good food. Sometimes I feel like he is even more open and loving towards me and my brother now than before. Like a barrier has come down.

The future scares me, so I try not to dwell on it and focus on the good that exists now. The present really is a gift.

Recently Read: Delancey

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Delancey book coverThe few times that I was able to get a seat on the T last week or when I had enough arm room while standing, I was reading Delancey.

This book made me realize that pizza has been sadly lacking from my diet as of late. Not only have I not eaten any, I haven’t made any from scratch in a while. The book has me considering both.

Delancey is the title of the book and the name of a Seattle restaurant. It’s owned by Molly Wizenburg, the creator of one of the first food blogs out there and her husband Brandon Pettit, who is the one who had the idea for the restaurant and is the force behind it.

The book is a quick read and quite enjoyable, especially if you’ve followed her blog. Two parts of the book especially struck me. The first one is how Wizenburg writes about the tension in most restaurants between the front of the house versus the back of the house.

She also mentions how after observing how a good friend’s restaurant, Boat Street, handled the situation, they decided to do the same at Delancey. It’s such a simple yet genius idea and was great to read how they put it into practice. See an excerpt below.

This tendency is rooted, I think, in industry-wide discrepancies between what cooks earn and what servers earn. Cooks work longer hours than servers, but almost without exception, they make less money. …

So we bought only one printer for Delancey, and it sits next to the bar. It’s not an ideal setup; when a server has an order for the pantry station, she must carefully escort it past the wood-burning oven, risking an accidental jabbing from the long handle of Brandon’s peel as he retrieves a pizza. … Whether by luck or by design, the system works, and the cooks and servers not only talk to one another but actually seem to like one another.

The second part was about a meal that she had at River Cafe in London. Her description of it went from thinking that the food didn’t look too wonderful and what was all the hubub about the place. To her experiencing the flavors bursting in her mouth level by level and literally making her cry with happiness and joy. I couldn’t believe it. The food was so good that it made her cry!

I’ve had some really good meals in my life, but I don’t recall ever crying over one. I would like to experience that degree of culinary delight. Maybe one day. I hope to visit Delancey. I have cousins living in the Seattle area.

But for now,  I did savor this book. Especially while riding the train to work and home again. It’s a great read for your commute. Or as the weather gets warmer, I could see taking this to the beach while enjoying the summer sun.