On Losing My Father

This is a favorite photo of my father and I. It was taken about 25 years ago or so.

The day of my last post on this blog was March 11th. It was also the last day that I saw my father alive. We had a family dinner with my mother and brother. He seemed very tired, but I had no idea that he would be gone so soon after. He died on March 14th.

I’ve gone through such an array of emotions since then. Shock, disbelief and sadness being the biggest. I wrote the obituary and the eulogy, which I delivered at his funeral last Saturday.

He lived to 85, very close to turning 86. He had a very full life and 85 is a good age, but I still feel like it was too soon and I wasn’t ready.

I appreciate that I have so many good memories of him and that I got to spend so much of my life with him. I was blessed to have him as my father and I’ve blogged about him several times.

There was a post about his favorite birthday cake, a tour that we took of Turkey Shore Distilleries, a lovely card that he sent me right before Father’s Day, and his being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He even wrote a guest post at one point.

A lot of what I have been thinking about is how glad I am for the times that we spent together.

This is definitely a new era of my life. I have never lost someone so close to me. It’s an adjustment and I have to learn how to think of myself and “just be” without a living father. I’m still trying to find my way. I guess it’s a lifelong journey.

20 thoughts on “On Losing My Father”

  1. Oh, Lisa. My heart breaks for you. I see from your picture where you got your beautiful smile. Our dads are such important people in our lives; it sounds like you had a wonderful and loving relationship with him. Hold on to those memories and know that he is still with you, right by your side, every single day.

    I lost my Dad 11 years ago and while it never truly gets easier, and I never stop missing him, I smile more than I cry now when I think about him.

    Thinking of you and sending you prayers.

    xoxo
    Donna

    • Donna – Thank you. His signature smile. : ) We were close and got closer over time. I have so many wonderful memories.

  2. Nothing can take away the memories that you have of uncle Edgar Lisa, when we lost mom I had the same feeling. Time does ease the pain Cousin… much love to you guys. James p.s. I will be back up there for my, Marshell, Linda, and Nielita birthday bash.

  3. It’s such a hard thing to loose a parent, I lost both more than 10 years go and I still have moments of pure grief but most of the time I’m happy to have known them. We’re never ready to loose them and it hurts as hell but it gets better, it does. Grief is a quite lonely thing, difficult to share but we are here ready to listen to you. Much love to you ❤️❤️❤️

  4. Lisa, I so sorry about your fathers passing. It is always a shock to lose a parent. It sounds like you have some very warm and loving memories and as time goes by you’ll remember even more that will make you laugh and smile. I was very close to my dad too, he died 26 years ago and I still miss him! That photo is wonderful. Deepest sympathies to you and your family.

  5. Hi Lisa, I am so sorry for your loss. Time will heal the wound. Lost my Dad in 1990 to cancer. Healing thoughts and prayers!

  6. I lost My Dad 24 years ago this coming June. It’s a shock, of course, no matter how old he may have been and what sort of health he had. But it WILL be better for you as time passes; believe me on that. Not to say it won’t still be on your mind often – it will – but the good memories will be foremost and there will be laughs as you look back. You know, the thing I did most in the immediate aftermath was to be watching some TV show, or hearing some recording, and saying to myself, “Hey, Dad would really like this. I think I’ll…”, and then realize I couldn’t tell him about it. That will also pass. Trust in God to heal. My prayer is said for you and yours.

    • Jim – Thank you. I’m still in that phase of being ready to tell him something, or getting ready for a visit, then remember the reality. It hasn’t even been a month, so I still need to adjust.

  7. What a beautiful picture. You and your family are in our hearts and prayers. Hold on to those memories. When my mom died her memories were often accompanied with sadness and pain… but quickly they became a source of strength. And now they bring with them joy and happiness. Memories of spending time with those we love are a treasure that give back to us for as long as you hold them in your heart and head. Much love to you.

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